Sep 16

Suicide

I get questions about people feeling suicidal because of the problems and challenges that life has thrown at them that they feel they cannot handle… In a recent Utsav course i asked how many people had contemplated suicide at some time or other in their lives, and an alarming 60-75% raised their hands. Even i had thought about suicide at some points in my life before Art of Living… I wanted to write this little post as a warning to everyone who have ever thought about this drastic step… Please read.

Suicide is ALWAYS completely out of the question. Suicide is a spiritual crime and perhaps the absolutely worst thing that you can do to yourself.

When you have a body and you are stressed and angry, or sad and frustrated or feeling depressed, you have a way of expressing it. You can shout, scream, hit, cry whatever and vent out those negative feelings…

When you die, the physical body drops off, but you take your mind, memory and intellect with you. Just imagine how it would be, if your mind has all that turmoil but you don’t have a body to express it! You can’t cry, you can’t shout or scream… Your worst nightmare is nothing compared to what you would undergo if you committed  suicide. It is said that suicides come back with deformed bodies when they are reborn… That they are condemned to live through circumstances far worse than they were in when they took their own lives. Suicide is a karmical catastrophe.

Feeling suicidal just indicates lack of energy, low prana, and no wisdom. Doing very regular Sadhana, lots of Yoga, attending Satsang will quickly snap you out of it. A few advance courses will see to it that tons of energy is pumped back into your system, and soon you will not even recognize the “other” person who was feeling suicidal.

Suicide is the extreme form of depression which comes because you keep asking What about me? With Knowledge, Meditation and Seva you can move through it and start living and enjoying life once again…

Here is another brilliant article about suicide by ashwani and the comment that he wrote for this post is so good, i felt it needs to be included right here:

Few months back I had this strong feeling (to commit suicide) again…What helped me out this time was 3 things:

1) The scenes from Munnanbhai M.B.B.S and Lage Raho Munnabhai :)…

In first Munna shouts at a young guy in the Hospital who attempted suicide 3rd time over failed love, that ” For a girl you met 90 days back, you are going to kill yourself…Can’t you live for your Mother who has loved you for 19 years?” (Sounds better in hindi :))…

And in Lage Raho Sanjay Dutt says this to another young man who has lost 7 lakhs of his father’s life savings in shares and is conteplating suicide – “DON’T TALK NONSESNE! Your father will be very happy when he hears and sees your lifeless body?…Same shoulders on which he carried you when you were a child, how will he feel carrying your dead body on the same shouldres now? Proud? Arrey, for months he won’t even believe that you have died…He would dial your phone no. again and again just hoping to hear your voice once”…

2) I used to think that I am a very weak person coz I am thinking of Suicide and that made me feel even worse…and then I read a part of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’, even Swami Paramhamsa thought of ‘hurling his body in front of a speeding train”….If he can have such feelings then me having the same feelings is not totally wrong…

3)One of my Yes!+ friend Pradeep died in a bike accident just before Navratri 2 years back…I’ll never forget how uncosolable and shattered his parents were when they saw his stitched up body…I will never knowingly do that to my parents and people who actually care about me…I am not THAT selfish!

I have one question though Bau – I wonder sometimes that people who completely believe in Guruji why do they meet with such terrible consequences. E.g. my friend Pradeep believed in Guruji a lot, his parents are AOL teachers in Gulf and one of other Basic course teacher I know, died of cancer and she was just in her early 30’s! I cannot understand this…

We all die, whether it is through some disease or an accident, young or old, death is certain… Life is fragile and this is all the more reason not to postpone the important things in life… saying i love you, and thanks, doing as many advance courses as you can, spending more time with the people you love…

Guruji is not here to save you from death… He is here to help you cope with life, and He is here for your ultimate enlightenment… As far as He is concerned, death is simply a longer sleep than usual… A cousin of mine was lost at sea, missing presumed dead. When my mother asked Guruji about him, Guruji became thoughtful and then gently said, he died, but he is already back!

Guruji is here to see to it that if and when you come back, you have a say in it… When you are enlightened, you don’t have to come back… you CHOOSE to come back and play with life… Guruji takes you beyond Karma…

Death is the ultimate adventure… but like all good things, you HAVE to wait for it to happen, otherwise it becomes a tragedy and a calamity… Meditate, Breathe, do Seva and quieten your mind… This will make you happy, peaceful and satisfied in the Here and the Hereafter!

Jai Gurudeva!

love

bawa

ps thanks a lot ashwani for bringing out this Knowledge, i did keep feeling that this post was incomplete, now it feels perfect!


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51 Responses to “Suicide”

  1. Anand says:

    Even I had planned in my preAOL era… I had a foolproof plan to execute, which I didn’t execute. Thank God.. It is one of the failures I am immensely grateful to and proud of.. AOL just happened after I dropped my plans.. 🙂
    Long Live Anand 😉

  2. Jai Gurudev Bau and Dinu Bhaiya…
    Very elegant looking site.

    I used to have strong urge to ‘end it all’ before doing Yes!+ 2.5 years back…Yes!+ did not change all of that suddenly, however I found a way of letting go gradually, making peace with myself and others who ’caused hurt’ to me and that the way out of one’s misery is to help others in any way…

    Few months back I had this strong feeling again…What helped me out this time was 3 things:

    1) The scenes from Munnanbhai M.B.B.S and Lage Raho Munnabhai :)…

    In first Munna shouts at a young guy in the Hospital who attempted suicide 3rd time over failed love, that ” For a girl you met 90 days back, you are going to kill yourself…Can’t you live for your Mother who has loved you for 19 years?” (Sounds better in hindi :))…

    And in Lage Raho Sanjay Dutt says this to another young man who has lost 7 lakhs of his father’s life savings in shares and is conteplating suicide – “DON’T TALK NONSESNE! Your father will be very happy when he hears and sees your lifeless body?…Same shoulders on which he carried you when you were a child, how will he feel carrying your dead body on the same shouldres now? Proud? Arrey, for months he won’t even believe that you have died…He would dial your phone no. again and again just hoping to hear your voice once”…

    2) I used to think that I am a very weak person coz I am thinking of Suicide and that made me feel even worse…and then I read a part of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’, even Swami Paramhamsa thought of ‘hurling his body in front of a speeding train”….If he can have such feelings then me having the same feelings is not totally wrong…

    3)One of my Yes!+ friend Pradeep died in a bike accident just before Navratri 2 years back…I’ll never forget how uncosolable and shattered his parents were when they saw his stitched up body…I will never knowingly do that to my parents and people who actually care about me…I am not THAT selfish!

    I have one question though Bau – I wonder sometimes that people who completly believe in Guruji why do they meet with such terrible consequences. E.g. my friend Pradeep believed in Guruji a lot, his parents are AOL teachers in Gulf and one of other Basic course teacher I know, died of cancer and she was just in her early 30’s! I cannot understand this…

    And this is something I wrote some time back to better understand Suicides – http://ashcash1in.blogspot.com/2007/02/permanent-solution-to-temporary-problem.html

    ~ Ashwani.

  3. Minnie says:

    🙂 🙂 Supeerr knowledge Bau,actually one needs this super knowledge when the genereal
    knowledge fails to overcome the suicidal feeling.

  4. bm says:

    Dear Bawa,
    I am very upset these days. My inlaws do not treat me very nicely.
    At home i feel mentally tortured.
    I feel lonely here. My husband doesn’t listen anything against them.
    I feel terrible at times. plz pray for me.

  5. Suparna says:

    Dear Ashwani,

    I went through your comment and the blog article on suicide. Am deeply touched by what you wrote. Thanks for the link. Its funny… now people laugh when they read my stories or poems, but there was a time not too long ago, when I wrote only dark poetry (even read one out to Guruji at a Paris satsang… lol) And don’t worry…you’ll get the girl you always wanted (or better?? :))
    Lots of love, Suparna

  6. Ruchita says:

    Amazing post Bau…….Hope every individual who is on to give up his life…reads this once!!
    JGD

  7. Monika says:

    Hi Bawa,
    It’s a coincidence. I was thinking about this very topic today morning. When I think how important Guruji has been to me I know from this. Sometimes we just drag our lives, not knowing its purpose, its direction and keeping suicide as an ultimate option after we are through struggling. It was good that Guruji and kriya entered my life just days before the news that I have hit rock bottom came. Through kriya, faith, helplessness the help comes.

    You had spoken about suicide during Utsav at BKC. It was yet another bullet that hit straight at the heart among all the other things (bullets) you were saying (hitting). What made it bearable was the easeness, the warmth, the care, the belongingness, the humor with what you said it.

    Many of the teachers and volunteers here wonder why I still struggle with things after doing courses, regular kriyas and moderate satsangs and seva. All this, it helps continue sustain and subconsciously grows the life energy even after people, surroundings, circumstances seem to eat up our lives. Guruji says to feel the pain caused to the heart. Let the mind not interfere and relieve it. It is only then the power to take action comes in.
    Jai Gurudev.

  8. Jay says:

    I did think of ending my life, but now if I meet the person I was a year and a half back. I’d beat that ‘old’ myself for being so blatantly dumb. Now life is ‘usually always ‘ on an all time high. And if it does get low, who cares…..opposite values are complimentary.
    Just like a wife and a mother-in-law 😉
    2 sides of the same coin

  9. Dear Bauu,

    This article is too good.
    Guruji says, “Suicide is like – You are feeling cold and you take off all your warm clothes.”
    Knowledge needs to be circulated everywhere. 🙂

    Love & JGD,
    Aditya

  10. vishal says:

    dearest bawa and dinesh,
    well i had tried to commit suicide by taking pills but thanx to Guruji nothing happened to me because when i was taken to hospital, i saw the sadness in my family and it was unbearable for me.
    i am really thankful to GURUJI for AOL happening to me in my life .may it happenes to everybody on this planet.

  11. samir says:

    Bau…Excellent knowledge..very very convincing, straight to the heart.. I am great fan of your site, your teaching, your website, your blog..simply luv u..

  12. Dinakar says:

    Dear Bawa – Totally agree with you, this knowledge is now complete with Ashwani’s post.

  13. wow…..in such a simple way,u explained such an important thing….so amazing…thanq 4 such wonderful knowledge…
    thanq bau…..
    jgd

  14. Vishal says:

    Hello Bhaiya ..

    nice article .. a sensitive one .. but well written ..

    all the same i guess one sentence triggered a few Q’s at me .. wanted to ask one of them here .. Would be great if u could enlighten me (and others) on this issue ..

    A person committing suicide is (may be) reborn in a deformed manner .. agreed .. its a sin .. and so .. penance should follow .. but then .. whats the fault of the parents to whom such a deformed child is born .. ?? How can they pay/repent for something they did not do .. ?? Why are they to bear the suffering for no fault of theirs .. ?? (no fault in THAT particular issue)

  15. Jai Gurudev Again Bau n Dinu Bhaiya!!!

    I was wondering why suddenly I started getting calls from my friends about this post…Then I thought of checking the blog again to check for a new post and now I know why…coz the comment became a part of the main post itself! Wow! :)..Sharing Knowledge that comes out of experience feels good!

    It’s amusing and humbling at the same time to realize that so many of us had same thoughts/feelings at different times in our life and all have emerged stronger than before…Builds more belongingness and understanding…Someone once said “We are more alike than we are different”…True!

    I read this somewhere – “Anyone who has ever thought of committing suicide and is yet alive, is a Philosopher”.

    P.S: Thanks Suparna!! : )

  16. komal says:

    JGD Bau..
    before aol i too went thru such tendencies and bang in the middle of all i did my first basic course,then my yes+ and yes+advanced.. and gurujis grace has not only help me to cope with all those tendencies but also reach out to others in problems and also living in a strange land.. and if i ever came face to face with my ” old self again” i probably wouldnt recognise who that was.. thank you Guruji, bau and dinesh da…………

  17. Amit says:

    …hmm…i always use to wonder how can DEATH be an adventure!!….now i know if i live my life fully, it surely will be!…

  18. Anupam says:

    Jai Gurudev Bau

    You know its so strange how so many of the people commenting here have also admitted to having contemplated it at some point in life…i often wonder suicide is like one of those lucrative easy exit options–like a LOAN or CREDIT CARD when you are in debt…for the moment it seems like the only way out…but it screws you up in the long run…funny how the human mind always looks for short term relief without comprehending the long term pains naa???

    oh and having said all this…i would just say even i did think of it once…though i was saved by a phone call from a friend who is indispensable to my life now..incidentally she would be the one to introduce me to YES!+ a year later…hehe…funny aint it??

    Love
    Anupam.

  19. Aparna says:

    hmm i will never think about suicide not that i have! But this article did really scare me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    “Far worse….” That is something every one has to know. I will surely fwd this to my friends just in case!

  20. Priya says:

    Bawa… i know Pradeep too.. we were very very close.. sometimes it still upsets me about that.. whenever i see some accident i get very disturbed and i feel very scared rather very strange feeling!!

  21. Prakirtee says:

    suicide.. so much to say but you said all what has to be said and I sincerely hope that whoever has read it will never get suicidal again and help others get out of such feelings..

  22. venu says:

    very foolishly out of anxiety, i expressed my anger on my little son for not eating
    food.
    he cried a little and then, playing so happily came back to me jumping and hugging.

    and he never gets angry on me for forcing him to eat, rather he weaves new ideas every time
    preventing me to feed him . and if he does not want to eat , he does not eat . only, i have
    to end up wexed (because iam not play full and egoistic).

    he has refreshed me to be a child, to be in the moment , to be playfull and creative
    every time.
    He is my guru, accepting me in my forms with out a frown, in love teaching me to be like him .

    one thing i have understood is that only a happy , healthy , active , playfull , creative
    mother can bless the child with a joyfull happy healthy cheerfulll child hoood, the basis
    of the mans whole life.

    back to child like, playfull.

  23. shikha says:

    thanks bawa and ashwani….

    this is the most useful post and most imp i guess. it will be an eye opener for many…
    i can relate to it very easily due to recent turmoil i have went through in my personal life..which seemed very big to the extent that i thought of such silly ideas of suicide too…but at the end i realised that “no problem is big enough that i cannot handle..suicide is definately not the solution to my misery…it will add more to it”…i dont know from where this thought came..just at the time when i felt the worst, i heard someone in my mind saying this to me loud and clear…”suicide is not the solution”….i would like to believe that it was my beloved guruji who lifted me up once again!and i remembered his words “with problems, the strength to deal with them also comes along with” so i just prayed for the strength and i didnt know how and when but it happened!!!
    what you wrote today is very relevant not only for me but i am sure for many many people following and not following AOL..please keep addressing about such negative feelings and questions elaborately cos we are after all imperfect human beings striving for perfection..and at point in life we all have to go through failures and rejections and feel the need of someone like you who can enlighten us and remind us not to give in …AND TO JUST KEEP MOVING ON…AND LEAVE EVERYTHING ON GURU JI… HE IS THERE!!!

  24. Vivek says:

    superb!!… I wish I had a ‘suicidal thought detector’ machine so that I cud catch these idiots, kick on their butts, make them read this.. n then give them a tight hug till they melt in love… JGD!

  25. Arnav says:

    DEAR BAU
    This knowledge is soooo very true..
    We just can’t end the beautiful life given to us by “THE DIVINE”

  26. Pooja says:

    But what when you have been left emotionally,physically and socially challenged whn someone you care for commits the same?

    How do we cope with that because outward successes do not indicate how your responses, your emotional, spiritual state will be..

  27. Ramakrishnan says:

    Jai Gurudev!!

    This kind of article puts life into perspective.understand its vastnedd..lightens burden..makes people breathe easy…
    very deep knowledge presented in a “matter of fact” way by you gives a “as cool as you please”
    effect.
    Liked it a lot…

    RadheKrishna!!

  28. venu says:

    “We are more alike than we are different”…from ashwani gupta’s comment.
    this is so true . and i use this in a good way to guard myself.

    the greatest pain for me is of shame. As a child i used to wonder how
    are people living and still surviving when their skirt is flown off their
    body with people looking at them. or still alive when a group of men watch
    her nude at bath.

    one plan of mine, jumping into krishaveni turned out to be a great
    pilligrimage trip, rather than a successfull suicide.
    and know wat, people thought i had a great day out in some hotel to be
    with some man . and that brought in a more greater humiliation to me, from my
    own people, neighbours, friends.

    and know wat. i was just innocent girl and nothing they thought was true. but ,
    i had to
    bear the humiliation.

    then, i have started supressing my woman hood , my mother is so protective.
    all made me to feel woman hood is of suppression . so , i lived that way.

    gone are those days. since about 7 years now, from the time i have done AOL,
    iam enjoying my life.

    when situations of shame occur. i say, there is no person in the world who has not
    experienced it. so, wy have i to bother about it. some times i tell them on the face. and
    i get a great thrill seeing their expression ( i have known them, wat is so dif about them
    from me !!! )

    it is all a play of ego. nothing else. live , love life , cheer and be at joy. ego is a
    great loser.

    the basic fact, iam not diff from u. u are made of all that iam made of , u have the same
    feelings that i have. iam not diff, iam u.

    my shame is not diff from urs , mine is urs. ! we belong.

  29. sakshi says:

    The part about rebirth with contortions in the body must really stop one from any suicidal intentions.
    A strong post Bau…
    Thanks to The Art of Living!
    Thanks to u… for showing everyone the beauty of Life.
    Jai Gurudev!

  30. nirmit19 says:

    well jaigurudev khurshedji

    i have my own personal experience of almost trying this about 7 yrs back……n now with advance courses seva sadhana satsang n seva of dayin dayout transplant surgeries and patients getting vision, well its a bygone chapter…yes elevating oneself to satva does help tremendously…and ofcourse the master’s grace works….like cool showers on a hot sweaty day…

    love to u all n thanks to vikram bhaiya for providing the link to this beautiful knowledge through his blog…

    jaigurudev

    love

    nirmit19

    http://www.divinityrulesforever.blogspot.com
    http://www.corneablog.blogspot.com

  31. Johann Arora says:

    wow! this is really very good!

    And even i believe that how can one be so selfish and not think about the people who will be left behid after his death and who loved and anted him sooo much!

    this is truly an eye opener!……

    love you bau!

  32. Chaitali says:

    dear bau and ashwani,
    thank you so much…there have been many times in the past when i thought of committing suicide (attempted it a couple of times too).
    Even when everything is going right, i still get this feeling that im useless in this world and even if i did kill myself, nobody would miss me much.
    this feeling comes without warning and is so overwhelming that I fall into this deep, dark depression. Nobody knows about this…not my family, my housemates nor my closest friends.
    i hide it pretty well so i dont think they ever noticed.

    Just today I felt it again, but for some reason after going through your blog I feel much better now. Even i used to think of myself as weak and cowardly…but maybe all i need to do is drop some of that burden from my shoulders.

    Thanks again to both of you!
    Jai Guru Dev

  33. Monica Tiwari says:

    thankyou so much 🙂
    loadsa love.
    Jai Gurudeva !!!

  34. Suniti says:

    Bau,i am getting shivers down my spine as i am reading this.
    you explained something so big and important in such simple way.
    i think if i had not been in the Art Of Living and if Guruji
    were not in my life i would not be existing…reallyyyy
    I have fallen in love with myself all over again!!! 🙂

    thanx bau,love you loads!

  35. Pooja says:

    Jai Guru Dev!!
    Bau, thanks for explaining one of the toughest lessons of life in such simple sentences…..

  36. varun says:

    Jai Gurudev bawa& dinesh,
    Your comments have put a cap on my thoughts regarding it. When i joined AOL, i heard about the lovely, dynamos,YOU. I did a YES+!, when i heard you are conducting it, just to meet you! Strangely Guruji played a smart trick! He sent you for the first Yes+! in Pakistan!
    My encounters, with these thoughts (Today, i don’t even utter this word su****), was been going on for a while.
    1. The Trailer began after, a silly rejection! (Yes silly on the part of the girl!) when i must be 17 odd years. Then a kind of sadness engulfed, & it attracted more..more..more..
    I learnt, later in this year after reading the “The Secret”, how my life was attracting, my predominant thoughts.

    2. I attempted, few times but just couldn’t do it 100%!! HA ha.. & till date, no one from my family knows..

    3. But i never gave up, hope that it would end soon.

    4. It was a regular prayer, for me “God, end this by calling me, or showing me my GURU”.. guess what he did both, courtesy..sri sri!!!

    5. Later on, i developed some methods to tackle this. Through thoughts & actions.
    It is such incomplete thought,you want to simply end a gift, end an era, end a success already created by God, end a possibility, that you maybe a wonderful son, a loving daughter, a searched healer, an enduring mentor, a respectable person, an adorable sweetheart, a simple father & so on.
    The thought, just is so incomplete with the larger things in life, it just robs away true joy in life, if someone really is successful in doing it.

    Its such a shame, a pity, a disgrace to RUN away like this. Think about, the lost parents, neither they have an answer as to why their child did it or if someone asks, it becomes doubly difficult.

    Can anyone be so damm shameless, to leave a mess like this when you just RUN away like this..

    What about, the oaths you took as lovers.. Surely then it calls for a bigger problem when you return back in a new body.

    In terms of action ,when ever it came in my mind, i simply had a word with my GF (she was gifted to me by Guruji!!!). I realised, it was just a problem i am unable to solve, or grasp, or comprehend, or handle, or simply accept that has made me go su***, & that if i discuss with a close one either two things will happen–> V’ll solve it, or simply divide the negative energy into half or even if it’s not solved, V simply pray & keep faith.. (Either ways i just laugh, after the thought is defeated in its very purpose..)

    Ufffff, sorry Mr.dynamos, i forgot this is your blog!!! I can write articles over this topic now, but don’t wana mess this beautiful blogspot of your’s!! (Can i know which, web technology is used to make this mind blowing blog page!)

    Well finally, realizing this thought as very normal, is he key to come out of it & not get, overwhelmed by it…
    For me, strength is realizing that anything & everything can happen to you, but still nothing can! If only you wish to!

    Kudos to you, Bawa & Dinesh bhaiya, I hope to meet you again eagerly, in a course in Pune!

    jai gurudev… Thanks for your lovely message!

  37. Yes, nice post.
    Claps !!!

  38. piyu says:

    it just too good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  39. Vikram says:

    Lost a close friend to cancer some time back. Both of us came into AoL more or less at the same time. At the height of my friend’s illness, when I was in the Ashram, he came there too. I was so disturbed to see him, with all the damage that chemotherapy etc do to the body. When with Bharat Bhaya, I asked him why? Why a devotee should suffer that too, CANCER….

    Swamiji’s reply: “Do not question the Divine. You do not know how, He is removing what, from whom” These were probably his very words. Not sure. But the meaning is. His reply put my mind to rest immediately

  40. Gitanjali says:

    Dear Bau, Ashwini, Vikram and all of the other bloggers here,

    Thank you all for the contributions you have made to this very important issue. I too remembered gurudev saying that to commit suicide is like feeling cold but taking off your clothes. But Bau’s inimitable comment about the ‘distorted body and karmical catastrophe’ really puts it in the deep end for me. Never again will I even think of the word suicide without remembering these comments.

    It would be very foolish of me to try to end one pain now, and be faced with a greater pain, not just the emotional trauma that has to find an outlet, but without a proper human form to do it.

    I say I, because even after TTC1 with Bau, even after my first Gurupurnima with Gurudev and even with my little boy playing in my living room and my big boy on a holiday, I attempted to take my own life to end MY misery. I did not look for a solution to the problem. I wanted to make a statement. I did not think of the traumatic effect it would be on my four year old who clings to me or how my 9 year old will deal with being motherless. I thought only of ME. I forgot my mother who would probably have had a heart attack when she got the news and the sister who would have become an emotional wreck. But most importantly, I forgot those two little boys who needed their mother’s love, guidance and protection to grow into men. All I was obsessed with was ME…ME and ME. Ending MY misery. However more selfish can someone get?

    It is probably the most stupid thing I had ever done in my life. For months afterwards I refused to look at how selfish I had been. I don’t think about it until Ashwini’s blog, I never even thought back about it. It was a closet issue for me. A memory I did not want to deal with. I never relfected on what would have happened to my children. I came out of the suicide attempt and did my sadhana with a heavy heart for days. My sadhana was for very selfish reasons as well. I tried to listen to Narad Bhakti sutras and Patanjali but my heart wasn’t into it and I was conveniently taking parts of what Gurudev said, the parts that suited me and ignored the other parts which did not gel with my emotional state at the time but which were practical and relevant to dealing with the situation pragmatically.

    I truly and really do not know how I came out of that period, with such a selfish perspective. All I was concerned about was ME. When I reflect, I recognise how selfish all of my actions in my life have been. I came to Art of Living to solve my problems. I stay with it as I wanted to get the merits associated with living a cleaner life. I help to organise courses because I want to spread gurudev’s knowledge so that the world would be a better place for ME to live in. I do seva because it makes ME feel good. I have never done anything just for the sake of doing it.

    Today, looking back, I marvel at my own stupidity and my selfishness. Writing this is theraputic for me. (See I am doing it as it gives me some release). My suicide attempt was not a memory I was very comfortable with so I did not think about it. Writing this has released all of that tension. I have managed to put a finger on the button that pressed my emotional distress – it was a fear of rejection all of my life. But Gurudev’s word that the Divine loves us and is taking care has removed that void. I have had many experiences since then which demonstrates clearly that I am being taken care of. My faith has become unshakeable. I now see every hurdle in front of me as a lesson to learn from, to gain strength from. But sometimes, I take a while to learn from them. However, with daily padma sadhana, kriya and meditation, I am able to come out of each experience lighter.

    We are all indeed very fortunate to have been found by Gurudeva and to have constant guiding lights in our lives, swamiji, Bau, Dinesh, Vikram, Nitinbhaiya and all of his teachers who are such immense storehouses of His light and wisdom.

    I know today, if I come upon a situation similar to the one I faced back then, I would make a few comments and walk away, knowing that I am being taken care of. Knowing, I want to spend more time in gurudev’s company. Knowing, I am going to be selfish to implement repeatedly the AOL principles to improve my life and those of as many people as I can. Thank you Ashwini. Your blog made me reflect much on my own selfishness and Gurudeva selflessness.

    Bau, thank you for a thought provoking read. But can you say, how do one do selfless service without the expectations of merit? Should we not feel good about doing seva?

    Love always

  41. vigrx says:

    Yes, I do agree too with your point of view. Great post!

  42. Swati Arora says:

    i pity those who commit suicide! but thanks bau after your post no one would contemplate doing it! 🙂

  43. Krupa says:

    Thanx to bau and dinesh bhaiya.I did YES ADVANCE just in month of june but after sharing the feelings of committing suicide with our Yes advance course teacher,THE FEELING WAS NOT REMOVED BUT AFTER READING UR POST I WILL NEVER UTTER THIS WORD FOR THE WHOLE LIFE.I have come to know that we r always taken care of by our beloved guruji and so we should not get tensed by the situations which come in our life.I COULD EVEN HELP MY FRIEND WHO WAS THINKING REGARDING THE SAME.THANX A LOT BHAIYA!!!!!!!!!
    JAI GURU DEV!!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. […] a sudden increase in teen suicides. If you have not already read it, please read what i had written about suicide a pretty long time ago. It’s still very relevant and i feel it needs to be made available to […]

  45. vini says:

    Bau,

    Its nice you put it up now.Another challenge plaguing us is the amount of aches and diseases youngster are undergoing. About 95 % easily have back aches, acidity, cough, cold asthma etc. And the thing they say is, they work awesome under pressure.
    Suicide, even to utter such a thing must be shunned or looked down upon. It creates a turmoil. And young hearts doing it, messes the entire Karmic Connection.

    Guruji am grateful not only for my breath, but also the breath of people around me.

    Jai Guru Dev.

    Love
    Vini

  46. Meghana says:

    Jgd Bau
    I had this strong feeling of committing suicide at least once a month, especially when I was unemployed after completing my graduation and also when I had to hear sarcastic comments from my parents and relatives. Thanks to the YES!+ advanced course after which I am really unable to recognize the ‘earlier me’ who had such thoughts.
    Love
    Meghana

  47. Hi says:

    Hi Sir,

    Amazing post. Forwarded to my Sis who tried to commit it.
    Just yday i read this blog. and i love it page by page.
    I’m trying my best to bring her to AOL. U have an amazing page… what to say..u brought tears to my eyes… JGD
    Anonymous…

  48. roma says:

    Jgd…. I read the whole of matter above… though never got a thought of suicide yet… thank u guruji!!!… the best part is, wen we are in life, we have a body to express the frustration… and wen we meditate everything goes fine… but the restlessness of the soul, that lost its body in suicide dont have peace af mind… rite… but if the soul can meditate, it can reach the comfort level…. my quest is… is the material body required for meditation.? can a soul meditate?

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