Jul 16

The Doubt

I had doubts. I had been doing Kriya for a few years, also teaching many, many courses quite successfully. However, I felt that there was no growth. That I had hit a plateau. The kind of transformation and change that had happened in life he first 2-3 years was now absent. I wanted Guruji to move me on, give me more, teach me something new… All this was running around in my head, and I was feeling quite fretful, though, I had not talked about it to anyone at all. Not even to Guruji Himself. My smile was still very much there, but there were times when it didn’t quite reach my eyes…

I was in Bangalore for a month or so and was teaching a course in the city, at our city office, Gyan Mandir. Guruji was there in Bangalore too and on one of the days of the course, there was a satsang in the evening with Guruji in the city. I wore the only really nice kurta I had at that time. A lovely deep red, almost maroon silk, with gold embroidery. Had a fantastic time at the course and later at the Satsang with Guruji. Returned pretty late at night 11:30 pm or so to the Ashram.

This was the time before we even had telephones in the Ashram. And the road to the Ashram was not really safe after 9:00 pm. There could be dacoits or wild elephants. There were no street lights at all. Rickshaw drivers would refuse to drive to Ashram after dark.

I suddenly realized that I didn’t have my Sudarshan Kriya tape. That precious, precious tape, given to me by Guruji Himself I had forgotten at the venue of the course.

I knew that no one would touch it. That it would be safely waiting for me sitting under Guruji’s photo. But, I had to be sure. There was no way I would be able to sleep without my tape safely with me. I decided to go back to the city right away.

Everyone who was there discouraged me. There were just 3 cars in the Ashram that time, and I thought I just needed a driver to drive me to the city. Then we could stay the night at Gyan Mandir and come back the next morning. The first car had a puncture, the next car didn’t have enough petrol, and no one knew who had the keys to the last car… There was no way of finding that out. Remember no telephones or intercoms or anything. I would have had to go and knock on every single room and ask every person inside if they had the car keys…

I decided to hitchhike. Before anyone could say no to me, I just started walking down Kanakpura Road towards the city… It was a pleasant night. But I was quite tired, had a bit of a cold. Just a few minutes later, I heard the groan of a truck as it laboured up the slight incline. And stuck my hand out asking for a lift.

The truck stopped. I got in, mentally thanking Guruji, not knowing what awaited me…

More on Monday… 🙂

Jai Gurudeva!



1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (18 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

61 Responses to “The Doubt”

  1. Archit says:

    I LOVE your writing style…What happens next???? 😀 And I can’t wait to see how you bring everything together…the acquisition of the tape, a possibly wild night and of course…the growth within!!

    I hope to see you VERY soon Bau!
    Lots of Love!

  2. apurva jain says:

    grrrrrr…….how can you do this to us?keep us hanging with excitement till Monday!!

  3. Anir says:

    Bawa, is this your experience or someone elses?

    • Amarja says:

      The description talks about a person in red embroidered dress. A little difficult to imagine bawa in something like that! 🙂

  4. nimisha says:

    you are too good!

  5. jaideep says:


  6. Venkatesh says:


  7. Prakirtee says:

    monday seems too far away now! 😛 love u Bau! u r one a kind! u r really THE Bawa!!

  8. gauri jinu says:

    Well.. I would say.. you are a kind one 🙂

    for not making us wait too long 🙂 🙂 🙂

    This seems a special sweet surprise when i had prepared myself for some more days of nothingness from your blog.

    Well the Radha is there… and its nice to know Krishna would come soon enough 🙂

  9. Abhinand says:

    What? Monday is too far!

  10. Priyanka says:

    waiting for monday..:)

  11. danno says:

    i know this story..heard it a couple of times…but still excited to hear it from you…:)
    waiting for monday post

  12. Janaki says:

    itna bhi suspense mat rako. bata dho bhaiyya

  13. Chirag says:

    Dear Bhaiya,
    I wish Monday could have come on a Friday.

    Cant wait to see your next mail on this!!!!

    Love and Jai Gurudev

  14. Monica Tiwari says:

    Wow ! Sounds lovely till yet !
    Can’t wait 🙂

  15. prasanna says:

    i know i know i know i know what happened next, shall i reveal it or post it in my blog….:) 😉 😉 ha ha ha.

    Bao waiting to read it on monday.

    Bao things have been so tight in office, thoroughly enjoying starting a company and being a board of director. Havent actually visited your blog for 4 days. Opened it, what a nice post 🙂

  16. Aparna says:

    Ah.. You did it again!
    Again and Again!

    But we still love to wait for the suspense!

    Jai Gurudev!

  17. swati says:

    Is there going to be another contest? that would be lovely…this experience looks thrilling 🙂

  18. jayesh says:

    bau.. nt good….. i have nw 2 w8 till munday

  19. Amrita says:

    Wow Bawa sir, what happened next,please post it soon
    waiting for your next post, Jaya Gurudev 🙂 !!

  20. Bhavna says:

    Sounds interesting ! Waiting for Monday 🙂

  21. Achal Premi says:

    Bau u have made up for missing 2 QnA’s…….a lovely story and as usual YOU ROCK

  22. Vini says:

    Bau I heard this story 🙂 … But was scratching my grey cells to know from whom. But it was not from you… I loved it Bau. Its worth the wait guys. Ah one of the TTC participants told me … asked him for Guru Stories and this was ONE…
    Bau Love you..
    Jai guru dev

  23. harsha says:

    ah!monday is too far!

  24. ekta says:

    this seems quite interesting….Bau…..love your writing style esp. the pause u gave till monday it gives more suspense……Bau u must write a book sometime….

    take care
    luv 🙂

  25. Anjesh says:

    Ur experience seems like some Bollywood Thriller..I really admire the style of ur writing 🙂
    N seriously,Monday is tooooooooooo Farrrrrrrrrrrr 🙂

  26. srikanth says:

    bau ,,, stopped it at a crucial juncture ,, 🙁 ,,

  27. Swapnil says:

    You always make it a point to make sure we are kept in suspense! for so many posts!
    But I just love the way you lead us to suspense!
    Love the way you are 🙂
    Jai Gurudeva,Swapnil 🙂

  28. Yogesh says:

    Jst waiting fot the next addition…

    Jai Gurudev

  29. Jyuthika says:

    Hmm… you love doing this most of the times, don’t you Bau..?![:P]
    And you know how to keep the interest and the surprise intact very well, rather, make it surprisingly more interesting!!! [;)]

    Jai Gurudeva!! [:)]

  30. Parth says:

    Bau one day same thing has happend with us, we have hithicked with the Truck while coming back from the ashram after satsang & dinner…:)

    It was a nice experience…:)

  31. Siddharth says:

    Jai Gurudev Bhaiya,

    That’s not fair…wait till Monday!!….

    You write Wonderfully:) It was as if as I was watching the whole scene….Waiting for the next part:)

    Keep Writing:)
    With Love,

  32. Prakirtee says:

    love the picture!

  33. sudha says:

    Can’t wait till monday :(((
    U always give so much surprises!!!!!!:))))))

  34. sudha says:


    Where are the photos ? (b’day party photos) waiting eagerly for it
    u are not adding my my comments:(((

  35. Mihir says:

    I also lov the pic and can’t wait till monday !!

  36. Anshika says:

    Nice post and an even better picture 🙂 🙂 Thank you for putting that up 🙂

  37. meow says:

    hey bau eagerly waitin for monday and yes+ and sahej you are taking is awesome todayzz day is so very auspicious for me because it waz my first sahej and i saw you and dinesh bhaiyya after so long i am eagerly waiting for tomorrow

  38. Jay says:

    what?!?! monday?!?! this is going to be quite a wait bau, hope monday comes sooner.

  39. Jigyasa says:

    Bawa! 🙂

  40. Kanasu says:

    Hey not fair! Such an interesting story and I’ve to wait till monday to hear it:-(

  41. Gaurav says:

    Jai Gurudev Bau, it would be good if the “arising curiosity” point was restricted to the intro talks…Love you

  42. manchit says:

    Jgd Bawa….
    Wud u plz put up ur pics of clg days….wud luv 2 see u in earlier days….

    nd finally I m at St.Stephen’s delhi…

  43. Shruti Kansal says:

    Bau, this is not fair!! hehe.

    • komal says:

      bau, bau, bau…..how could you always do this to us and get away with it?either way we still love you…. and donot keep us in too much suspense ….monday is tooo far away….

  44. Jay says:

    I can picture you grinning mischievously while some odd hundred thousand youths are waiting eagerly….by the way anytime after 00:00 hours on 20/07/2009 is monday. please post if you are awake at that time dear bau 🙂

  45. ojashree says:

    it feels lyk after reading to d end of the book…pages wid climax are missing!!!!…psssttttt

  46. Amarja says:

    Aarrgghh! Sunday is not a holiday for bloggin! 🙁 cant wait until Monday! 🙁

  47. Swati Arora says:

    Bauuu..seriously not fair. U stopped just when the actual story was to begin!! Monday eagerly awaited! 🙂

  48. Raghavan says:

    Oh man…i hate suspense 🙂

  49. Anandita says:

    Jai Gurudev Bawa,

    Todays session was mind blowing. Every day at the Yes+ course just gets better and better. After you told me your blog address the first thing i did was to come and check it. And what do i find. An absolute thriller! 🙂 Waiting for your next post. But before that waiting to meet you tmrw morning! 🙂

    Jai Gurudev

  50. Can’t wait to here the rest of this story!

  51. Niveditha says:

    Cant wait….Write soon 🙂

  52. Minal says:

    Bawa, i was present at thane today and u wer simply amazing!!! watever u spoke about was is so much like wat happens in our day to day lives. most of these thnigs we cant ask our close friends, definitely not parents. and i always wanted these answers that u gave from someone i trust.i really love u Bawa…

  53. Amazing…bau bak 2` writin his stories…wow!!

  54. RENUKSWAMI says:

    Its very very interesting and eagerly waiting for monday. My request is, if any interesting story like this please dont make us to wait for long time. Atleast post it very next day.

  55. Abhinand says:

    Thanks for the photo. We have never seen the cassette haven’t we? We would normally have our eyes closed….

  56. prasanna says:

    Mr Bawa, do u know what day is it today…. MONDAY.


  57. […] I forgot my Sudarshan Kriya tape in Bangalore city and decided to hitchhike from Ashram in the middl… […]

  58. JANVI says:

    i love ur wrthing style, nd u off course no opinion…….. bawa conclud the part willing to knw wht next……


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